The Green-eyed Plot Monster

I didn't really feel like doing a "May at the Allotment" post this month. It had been so wet and dreary, plus I was beset by a feeling, which was quite annoying. 

Honestly, I don't spend much time on social media, so I've never had fear of missing out (FOMO for any readers under 30), or comparison envy. I don't post selfies because I don't need validation of how I look from strangers, and I certainly don't need criticism from the same either. 

 

Twitter is where I post work stuff, Instagram gets random pictures of bugs, pebbles and trees, Facebook is where I get updates from the allotment group about any spare plants or pallets going free. Mostly I try not to let the endless noise get to me. 

Nevertheless this feeling persisted. 

It took me some time to work out what was triggering it. 

 

And when it did, I was annoyed with myself. I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book. I WAS comparing myself.

Not to ridiculous eye brows, body shapes that will never be mine, or fancy-schmancy goods that I would simply break or lose or give away. Oh no, I was comparing my allotment, finding it wanting and then stomping around in a black mood when I reached my own plot and it didn't match what was coming through the screen. Plot holder envy had taken hold of me.

I was following people who had been plotting for a lot longer, or who had more spare time than I had, or who had decided to make a career out of their allotmenting escapades, chasing compost (peat-free) sponsorship deals and adding the hashtag #blessed to their posts. 

 Seriously, no # makes me want to boke quite as much as #blessed. 

That aside, good for them. More power to their green fingers, their greenhouses and their green Hunter wellies. I sincerely wish them well but I'm not following them any more. 

My plot, as much as it is my happy place, is my hobby. Being there should be an exercise in pleasure and enjoyment, not dissatisfaction and malaise. There is no point comparing it with others because I don't have the time, resources or skills that they do. Everyone works to their own abilities, paces and times.

 

It is still, despite progress this year, half covered in scrubby grass, with a tangled mess of fallen elder and knotweed the council are steadfastedly trying to pretend doesn't exist at the end of it. I am still learning, learning all the time, making my own slow progress without greenhouse or polytunnel. 

And things, other than grass, grow. Tomatoes, Japanese wineberries, courgettes, spinach, beans, peas, pumpkin, potatoes, beetroot, raspberries. At home we have sweetcorn, strawberries and runner beans. Waiting patiently for me to build the brassica cage are purple sprouting broccoli, sprouts, kale. 

Today I brought home with me a tiny first bouquet of sweet peas, nigella, cosmos, lavender and daisies. The smell is amazing. While I was up there, I paused in the act of strimming and watched the bees in the wild oregeno, the crickets bounce away from me. 

It's still good here. 

Begone feeling. I'm not giving you brain space any more.

Things I have learned recently

I started (and abandoned due to lack of time) a post last week after recovering from a bit of minor surgery that was to remove some pre-cancerous cells from my cervix. As the letter from the doctors said, "this is not cancer, but has the potential, if left, to turn into cancer." 

That was a less reassuring statement than I think they meant it to be.

 The boyfriend strimming away with an expression of fierce concentration, 

seconds before the strimmer wire ran out and we admitted defeat.   

 Must say that, damn, they worked fast. Not only in the treatment but in keeping the gaps between letters and treatment short. The speed they work at reassures me: within 4 weeks, I'm back in the coloscopy room. Within 30 minutes, I'm back in the car, pre-cancerous cell-less, asking the boyfriend if he wants pasta for tea.

For all the moaning that this city's hospital gets, I've never had anything but positive (if they can be called that) experiences with them. Although management not letting the nurses park on site (we were gossiping during procedures) is frankly outrageous, and I hope each and every one of the management who are allowed to, stub their toes on the way to their cars.  

 

The bramble mountain. There are wallflowers there too. 

One day I'll explain my wallflower intolerance. 

Spent some time on the allotment this week. One of the beds that we'd covered in membrane had finally given up and was living-weed-free, so we cleared the dead stuff, strimmed the paths and wilder areas, tacked down membrane that had worked it's way loose and hacked back at the brambles that resembled triffids (after I'd raided them for blackberries, obviously). Found what looks to be asparagus gone wild, albeit asparagus with it's own beetles. 

Little wee red and black beetles copulating freely with nary a care in the world for my

 asparagus. Little buggers.  

 

Those blackberries may be the only crop we get from the allotment this year: the ground underneath the dead weeds is so hard and compacted that it broke the fork. And then the spade. Hopefully the deluge of rain that's promised for tomorrow may actually soften the ground enough for us to do something with it. 

Met the allotment neighbour - an earnest young man with a small baby and 2 allotments. He's clearly going down the self-sufficiency route, which I once considered, having fancied myself as something of a Barbara Goode. Truth (and experience) is, I'm more of a Margot Leadbetter. And I cannot warm to hens.

 

Said bent fork. Useful for picking up brambles that you've cut down. Sod all use for anything else. 

 

So the message to take away from this post is:

a) never skimp on your garden tools - a bent fork is use to neither man nor beast
b) always have your smear test
c) always know your own body and have the courage to say when something ain't right
d) don't let your boyfriend see the "What Symptoms To Watch Out For Post-Surgery" letter because he'll then use it as a running gag for the next few weeks
e) spend a really uncomfortable night sleeping on a deflated airbed the weekend before so that, honestly, the procedure was a doddle compared to waking up at 5am after a heavy night and trying to stand up in a 2 man tent. 

I am not, and never will be, a happy camper. Although the marshmallows toasted on the open fire were almost worth it. The first sip of coffee in the morning after? Definitely worth it. 

You can't see them, but there are people there too. Taken before the great marshmallow rush.

But here are a few things that have made me happy this week:

• sea eagles are making a return to the Isle of Wight 
• the wild tiger population is finally rising
• the amazing pink seesaws
• this twitter campaign
• the museum I work for finally getting it's National Lottery Heritage Fund grant after 2 years of work, research, bid writing and trying to find match-funding
• finally starting to learn Spanish thanks to the Language Zen app. Been meaning to for years, can't see any reason for delaying it
• late, so late, to the Community party but loving it
• Medieval marginalia, a small obsession of mine, on Instagram. No, that's not me. This is me.
• My epic Saturday night Scrabble win

 Yeah, that's me on the left. I lost the next night, so we're all good.